I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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