no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
