i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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