We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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