I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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