who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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