she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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