Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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