i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Randomize
