I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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