Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
