You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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