her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
