I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
