If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
