You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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