What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
