You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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