I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
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You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
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If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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