Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
