I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Is it because I queefed?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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