glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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