you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
