Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
