I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
