it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
