My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
