bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
