So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
