we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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