We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
