You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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