Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
