Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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