that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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