I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
