New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
