Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
