I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
