walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
