Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
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it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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