hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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