Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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