hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
