The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
