On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Will you blow on my dice?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
