Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
