Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
