The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
