why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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