Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
