she looked like the before picture.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
