Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize