you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You were trust falling into bushes
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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