"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
