Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
