His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
