I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
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