Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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