He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
