His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
