Will you blow on my dice?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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