a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We left the knife in your bed.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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