Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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